Aside from the $80,000 Labor and Delivery hospital bill (no that is NOT an exaggeration, thank god for insurance), my son is pretty costly. Being a parent takes a toll on you mentally, physically, and emotionally in ways I never really thought possible. I love my son, he shares a pedestal with my wife, but that love comes at a very high price. 

The Mental: Aside from the fact that the thought of me being a father is something I still struggle to wrap my head around, I find the day-to-day routine of a Stay at Home Dad to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. There’s no lunch break, no 5:00pm quitting time, no weekends off, and no vacations. Having to be “on” 24/7 is tough. I try to be the best Dad I can be, the best husband I can be and between the two, if there’s anything left maybe a little something for me. Aside from that, the constant worry about if your doing the right thing, is he getting enough to eat, am I getting enough to eat, why is he crying so much, is he hitting those milestones close to on time, is he too hot or cold, is he happy, what’s that sound mean, what is that red mark, is he comfortable, is he sleeping enough, and so on. I know the worries will probably never go away, just evolve with age, but damn it takes a toll. Currently, I’m blaming the blitzkrieg of gray hair that’s invading my head and beard on the mental toll of being a dad. Oh, and lack of adult interaction for 10 hours a day doesn’t help matters.

The Physical: I know my son is only 4 months old, almost 5 months, but he’s wearing me out. By the time the sun goes down, I’m ready for bed. Being a Stay At Home Dad means aside from caring for a baby, I cook and try to clean. Since I stay home full time, I’ve gotten progressively more and more out of shape, something I would love to correct if I could find the time. The whole never getting a full night’s rest has been talked about to death, but it’s there and it piles up. This, plus the mental toll and I’m nearly ready for some pharmaceutical assistance.

The Emotional: This goes hand in hand with the mental aspect of parenting. I never feel as if I’m doing enough for my family. I don’t know if it’s lack of confidence or just part of the parenting experience, the idea that I’m not doing enough for everyone is just tattooed on my brain and doesn’t allow me to enjoy any downtime I get. I feel guilty when accept my wife’s help around the house after she’s come home for a long day of work. I put myself in a “no-win” situation.

I’ve heard, “Parenting is tough but so worth it.” so many times in my lifetime and until recently never thought about it. Truer words have never spoken. My son’s smiles and laughs are the motivations I need and get to keep me going throughout the day. Sometimes I feel like I sacrifice a little bit of sanity everyday to try and keep my family happy. Is it enough? I don’t know. But I do know it’s worth it and deep down, I do it happily.

I know not different, and I know not special, I’m just a regular parent. I just happen to have a keyboard in front of me.