When I started this blog a little under a year ago, 10 days shy of a year actually (I hope no one is planning a surprise party.), I would write posts from my company issued laptop on company time, sitting in my ergonomic mesh backed chair, from my office that overlooked Manhattan, with a cup of coffee next to me. Now, I write posts from my bare bones desktop with whatever free time I can find, sitting on my squeaky desk chair from college with a squirmy five month old on my lap, from my desk (also from college) that overlooks faces a wall next to the window that overlooks the neighbors shade-less, curtain-less windows across the street in Queens, with a cup of coffee next to me. The difference is gigantic. I mean seriously, you can’t even compare the difference between a commercial grade Keurig brewed cup of coffee and my super awesome Mr. Coffee brewed cup.

• I learned there is no diaper strong enough for my son’s Viking pee’s and poops: Seriously, we’ve tried snug diapers, diapers that fit just right, one size up, Pampers, Huggies, Luvs, Up & Up, nothing can contain my sons waste evacuations. Front door or back door, it doesn’t matter. At least every other day we a battle pee or poop that tries to make a break for it through Dylan’s clothes. I’m ready to start doubling up over here.
• I learned it doesn’t get easier: I know I’m only five months in and maybe I my judgement is premature, but damn it’s getting harder. My boy has always been on the more alert and active side of the Bell Curve, but these days he is just non-stop. He can be tired for two hours, be cranky about it and fight sleep every step of the way, fall asleep for 10 minutes only to wake up recharged for another four hours. As awesome as I am, I can’t do everything I need to do in a few ten minute intervals throughout the day. Oh, and that little nugget of advice seasoned parents like to throw around, “Sleep when the baby sleeps”, is a bunch of crap. Yeah, sleep then the baby sleeps huh? Mind telling me when that is? No? Don’t have an answer for that one in your holster huh?
• I learned teething sucks: My little dude seems to be getting some pearly whites and he’s none too happy about it. He doesn’t seem to be in constant pain, but rather have bouts of it. He is, however, very, very clingy. I feel bad that I can only do so much to help him out. But maybe if he slept a little more…
• I learned that turning the ringer off on both the house phone and my cell phone cuts down on my daily interruptions and doesn’t wake up my son from his ten minute recharge naps: This one was my wife’s idea and it’s fantastic. By turning off the ringer on the phone, I don’t feel bad when someone calls and I can’t answer it because my hands are full. If it’s important, they’ll leave a message and I’ll get back to them. Nevermind the fact that I’m really bad at “getting back” to people. Also, when Dylan did have regular naps, if the phone rang and woke him up, I turned into a the Incredible Hulk. Never once has a phone call that woke my baby has been worth it. As a side note, this turning the ringers off thing has been great because I HATE talking on the phone. I really avoid it at all costs. To me, Hell is place where I’m on the phone 24 hours a day talking to someone about the boring day to day crap of life over and over again. Or really just being on the phone talking about anything at all.
• I learned there needs to be a size of baby clothes between 3 months and 6 months: One is too big, the other too small. This really isn’t rocket science. Don’t tell me, “He’ll grow into it,”, I know he WILL GROW into it, but for now it’s too big.
• I learned how humbling it is when I try to make my son laugh for 10 minutes and he just stares at me: It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s so deflating. Sometimes Dylan just isn’t in the mood to laugh, then here I come in with my, “I can make it happen” attitude, make all kinds of noises, faces, and dances, then nothing. Not even a polite smile. I imagine that’s what Dane Cook felt like before he fooled college students into thinking he was funny.
• I learned that 99% of the time, my son thinks I’m the funniest person in the room: He’ll be sitting in his swing, I’ll walk into the room, look at him and say, “What?”, and he just lights up. I hope that never goes away.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to change a diaper that has leaked all over my leg.