Dear People of Earth,

I didn’t put up to much of a stink when The Snuggie broke through. There was nary a peep from me when the Camo, Sports Team, and Pet Snuggie’s followed. Granted, I was married and childless and had little thought about the world left for my future children. Sure I laughed at the commercials like most forward thinking folks did, but I took solace in the fact that I had seen the dumbest of the dumb and it can’t get any worse.

Enter the Forever Lazy. An adult sized onesie with “zippered hatches” in the front AND back. Aside from the absurd commercial which a childless me would have shaken my head at and surely laughed at. However, I have a son now, and this just isn’t funny anymore. I’m not sure I want to raise my son in a world where the Forever Lazy is so readily available to any mouth breather with a credit card. In fact, I’m certain, I don’t want to raise my son in a world of fleece blankets with sleeves like the cleverly named Snuggie and giant one piece apajamas with a trap door in the back for adults insultingly appropriately named Forever Lazy.

If there’s ever a opportunity to leave this planet and to a new world without Snuggies and Forever Lazy’s, I call dibs on the first ship outta here for me and my family.