Life without children can be annoying enough, the little things the universe throws at you just to watch you squirm are sometimes enough to make you want to punch a box full of kittens. Well…maybe that’s taking it a bit far but I think I made my point. (And no, the point isn’t mild annoyances drive me to violent acts on cute animals). When you have children it opens up a whole new world of love, joy, worry, and excitement…and that world has its own set of pitfalls, booby traps and obstacles to overcome. Here’s a few that I find particularly distressing:

• Automatic shutoff: The Little Dude has a swing, a mobile, toys, and a nightlight that contain an automatic shutoff function. I appreciate the manufacturer’s desire to save me energy and costly batteries, but I’ll decide when I want things off thankyouverymuch. If the boy is sleeping to the sweet hum of the mobile and the Bach music it plays and then it turns off 20 minutes later, that change can and has woken him up from a few naps. Also, a nightlight with an auto shut off? Your kidding right? 
• Strangers commenting on my parenting: What parent doesn’t want to punch these people in the neck?
• Babies R Us coupons that are only valid for things you don’t want: When we started buying all our baby things, we signed up for the Babies R Us membership club thing. So every month we get a handful of coupons for 20% off, or what have you, with a list of caveats as long as my arm. Of course, these restrictions are placed on everything you actually want to buy. 
• Bottle Warmers are bullshit: In the early days of our parental ignorance, we thought a bottle warmer was one of those things that the older parenting generation scoffs at, but would actually be useful. Wrong. We tried it a few weeks after we brought home the baby. It either made the bottle scalding lava hot, or colder then when we put it in there. Every time. 
• I have children’s songs and melodies stuck in my head on a constant loop from all the damn toys that play music: Everything plays a song. Everything. So I walk around the house day and night humming or singing these little ditties. That would be ok, sort of, but when I leave the house, I’m doing the same. I miss the days when I complained about the age appropriate songs stuck in my head.